A: There are a number of reasons why people stay in jobs they moan about. Some are generic to most jobs; others may be specific to police work.
Probably the most basic reason is simply the money, honey. A sucky job that nevertheless pays the bills is, for most people, preferable to no job or a low-pay job. In a tight economy, one does what he or she has to do till something better comes along.

Some jobs are generally okay, but have one or more sore elements to them, like an obnoxious coworker or supervisor, or a lousy shift schedule. A worker may stay on such a job out of the hope that things will improve, e.g. the nasty person will quit or be transferred, or the more desirable shift will become available. In the meantime, they're gonna squawk.

Like many other workplaces, police departments comprise a culture, a tribe, a family of sorts. All of the messy personal dynamics seen in families may be expressed in such departments, and there can be healthy departments and "dysfunctional" departments.

Then there's the "no-one-else-will-listen" theory. Sometimes cops complain at home because they really have little recourse at work. If they're frustrated in an attempt to deal with their C.O., or if there is no way to file a proper grievance about a problem, the only place they may have to let off steam is at home.

Relatedly, if an officer doesn't think his breadwinning efforts are sufficiently appreciated by his family, he may magnify the stresses and strains he faces in order to get their attention and support.

Remember, it may be precisely because most cops love what they do, that they complain so much about the job. When you're really into something, you're likely to become increasingly frustrated when your efforts to make it perfect are blocked. Many workers in law enforcement, health care, and social services have complained to me about arbitrary rules, unfair promotions, and unreasonable working conditions that keep them from expressing their personal best.

And finally, there are some people with a sort of "martyr complex," who just aren't happy unless they have something to complain about. For these poor souls, the glass is always half empty. If work is really that bad, and they can't leave, hopefully they can find other areas of life, such as family and recreation, that can give them a sense of satisfaction.

If your spouse complains about the job, listen. Sometimes just being heard is extremely helpful. If there's something practical you can do, ask. If things continue to degenerate into unproductive complaining, gently deflect the conversation into something more pleasant. If all else fails, consider professional help - not to psychoanalyze away the problem, but to offer "executive coaching"-style help for managing stresses on the job.

Laurence Miller, PhD is a clinical, forensic, and consulting psychologist in Boca Raton, Florida, and police psychologist for the West Palm Beach Police Department. Dr. Miller can be reached at (561) 392-8881, or online at:
www.practicalpsych.com