A: That depends what you mean by "denial." I assume you don't mean complete failure to acknowledge the incident, or you wouldn't have posed this question in the first place. In cases of exposure to traumatic injury, including incidents where the fear and uncertainty involve the welfare of a loved one, a certain degree of emotional numbing is common. In essence, this is the mind's way of protecting itself from being overwhelmed by shock and not being able to function, a kind of "mental Novocaine."

Other symptoms of traumatic stress may include general jumpiness and hypervigilance, poor sleep, physical signs of overarousal, and intrusive imagery or recollection of the traumatic event. The latter can include daytime rumination about the incident, sensory flashbacks to the event, and nightmares about it or about other frightening themes during sleep. Sometimes the intrusive symptoms can alternate with the numbing-denial symptoms, making the person feel like they're on an emotional roller-coaster. These symptoms can occur even in those not directly injured, but intimately connected to the direct victim, a phenomenon called "vicarious traumatization." In fact, the vicariously traumatized person can suffer as much or more than the directly affected trauma victim.

So far, then, it sounds like you're pretty "normal" in the sense of showing a common, expectable response to an uncommon, drastic event. There are two key issues here, and they're related. One has to do with your ability to adequately help your husband. As long as you're able to fulfill what you feel is the proper supportive functions for your mate, both practical (driving to doctors' appointments, running interference with kids and relatives) and emotional (empathically listening, hugs and kisses), you're doing the best you can, so give yourself credit.

The second, related, issue has to do with taking care of yourself - first, because you need to be in good physical and psychological shape to be there for your husband, and second, because you just plain deserve to feel as well as possible while the two of you are struggling to overcome this ordeal. So while there's nothing weird or unusual about what you're experiencing, don't neglect your own emotional health - go out and get the help you need.

Laurence Miller, PhD is a clinical, forensic, and consulting psychologist in Boca Raton, Florida, and police psychologist for the West Palm Beach Police Department. Dr. Miller can be reached at (561) 392-8881, or online at:
www.practicalpsych.com