A: The short answer is: take your cue from your husband. Whatever his comfort level is about revealing aspects of his work, respect that and show your pride for his accomplishments in other, more personal, ways.

The longer answer relates to what type of law enforcement job he has. Most patrol cops or field commanders on routine police duty don't mind talking about their work; in fact, many are only too glad to regale their friends with sagas of their exploits and experiences. Some officers avoid talking about the job while off duty in order to separate and decompress from the pressures of the beat or because they just don't want to rehash the shift they've just been through.

But for some kinds of police work, secrecy may be part of the job, for example, undercover assignments, special investigations, internal affairs, or politically sensitive law enforcement work. Sometimes, officers fear retaliation against their families by bad guys, and seek to protect their loved ones by keeping them as anonymous as possible. In such cases, there is a realistic and understandable reason for a tightlipped approach to discussing what your spouse actually does.

The first step is clarity: Talk to your husband and determine exactly what the ground rules are about discussing his job with others. If you think he's being unnecessarily cautious - or frankly paranoid - discuss this with him, but make it clear that you will respect his wishes until further notice. If you feel the need for at least one confidante to unload onto yourself, ask your mate who he might trust to be in this role. If all else fails, and you feel like you're going to bust, seek the help of a licensed mental health professional who is bound by rules of confidentiality.

Remember, your question implies that you're only too happy to sing the praises of your law enforcement spouse, so let him know that this is the reason for the discussion - not to blabber or complain about him.

Laurence Miller, PhD is a clinical, forensic, and consulting psychologist in Boca Raton, Florida, and police psychologist for the West Palm Beach Police Department. Dr. Miller can be reached at (561) 392-8881, or online at:
www.practicalpsych.com